A Sleep Issue
My mind has felt like a sieve these past few months and it's not just 'mommy stuff'. It is sleep deprivation.
Lately, I need to go to bed and actually sleep when my daughter does, usually between 7 and 9. If I do not, I cannot properly function during the day: I become overly tired. It irritates me that I have to do this. It all goes back to the health issue again:I need the extra sleep so certain aspects of my health don't get out of control, like flipping around on the bed in the middle of the night. You'd never know it by just looking at me, but I have a very slight neurological condition that requires me taking care of myself properly (something I have not done well in the past): getting a good night's rest, eating well, and not drink too much alcohol .
But I don't want to go to sleep at 8 p.m. I got stuff to do, dammit! Even when my body says sleep, my mind is still going: I need to write, write, write! Last night, I went to sleep with my daughter around 8:30, and as I lay there waiting to go to sleep, words turned in my head. I thought: PICK UP A PEN! WRITE WHAT IS IN YOUR HEAD! I couldn't: My body was firmly planted within the bed, already going into sleep mode, twitching involuntarily and everything.
I lose things this way-tidbits of prose, poetry lines I thought were the greatest fucking thing I have ever thought of, things to put on the 'to do list'.
It didn't used to be this way-I could get by with less sleep back then, you know, before I was blessed with motherhood. I could go for hours , way into the wee hours of morning, surviving on 3 hours of sleep and a good drink with Vodka, ready to go back to work at 8 a.m.. Granted, I was younger then and had the energy of "I can live forever and do anything!''(like staying out all night at parties, rockin it).I just can't do that these days . I now have a young child clamoring for my attention at all times and I am getting older (not that much). Still, it pisses me off to lose thoughts and ideas, to not have enough energy to write.
I thought about carrying around a tape recorder to make little reminders to myself of prose and poetry bits and whatever else pops in my mind for future reference. It is an idea. The batteries are in the tape recorder, all set to go-buried in my desk. Maybe.
Sleep deprivation is a sneaky thing.
I promise myself I will listen to my body (and actually use the portable tape recorder), even if my mind is telling me to GET UP!, so I can feel halfway decent when I am awakened at 6 am by my very own alarm clock, clawing at my chest.
© 2006, Kris Underwood -- I enjoy writing, when I have the time, and my vivacious two year old daughter who gives me much inspiration in that department (among others). I'd like to say I read numerous books, but I just don't these days for lack of time and attention span that has to do with a two year old running around. I work on Mama Says tirelessly, perhaps a bit obsessively. But I love it!